Tuesday, December 24, 2013

2014 New Year’s resolutions for every MLB team

As each year winds down, people tend to think to the future and promise to fix something in their lives. Yes, it is resolution season. Check out your team’s 2014 New Year's resolution after the jump.

American League East

Baltimore Orioles – We resolve to hire new doctors
Boston Red Sox – We resolve to clean our beards this year
New York Yankees – We resolve to continue to ignore our farm system
Tampa Bay Rays – We resolve to win for our rabid fanbase
Toronto Blue Jays – We resolve to find an identity and stick with it

American League Central

Cleveland Indians – We resolve to provide fans directions to Progressive Field
Chicago White Sox – We resolve to bring back the uniforms with shorts
Detroit Tigers – We resolve to teach Brad Ausmus how to chain smoke
Kansas City Royals – We resolve to stand behind Dayton Moore
Minnesota Twins – We resolve to not expect much from Phil Hughes

American League West

Houston Astros – We resolve to hire more Baseball Prospectus writers for front office
Los Angeles Angels – We resolve to concede the city to the Dodgers
Oakland Athletics – We resolve to ask MLB if we can move
Seattle Mariners – We resolve to admit Robinson Cano isn’t marketable
Texas Rangers – We resolve to ignore Shin-Soo Choo’s platoon splits

National League East

Atlanta Braves – We resolve to keep Dan Uggla off the field
Miami Marlins – We resolve to shock MLB by being pretty good
New York Mets – We resolve to be boring until Matt Harvey returns
Philadelphia Phillies – We resolve to extend Ryan Howard
Washington Nationals – We resolve to begin mapping out parade routes

National League Central

Chicago Cubs – We resolve to hope Theo Epstein delivers
Cincinnati Reds – We resolve to never look back from Dusty Baker
Milwaukee Brewers – We resolve to find a new face of the franchise
Pittsburgh Pirates – We resolve to not suffer the same stretch of losing again
St. Louis Cardinals – We resolve to continue to do it better than everyone else

National League West

Arizona Diamondbacks – We resolve to stay out of the free agent market
Colorado Rockies – We resolve to abandon the humidor during hitting slumps
Los Angeles Dodgers – We resolve to have the first $300 million payroll
San Diego Padres – We resolve to sell low on Chase Headley
San Francisco Giants – We resolve to keep Tim Lincecum until he retires

I’m sure there are readers with much wittier resolutions for their favorite teams. Please leave them in the comments section.

Christopher Carelli is a freelance sports writer/editor and the Director of Content Strategy for Sportsideo. Besides his work here, Chris is a New York Yankees contributor for Yahoo Sports. Connect with Chris on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

2 comments:

  1. Chicago Cubs- We resolve to hire a mascot that can play 2nd base.

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    Replies
    1. Funny, at least they are going hard after Tanaka!

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